Oh dear.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

This was free over the weekend and having downloaded it, I’m amazed they ever had the gall to try and charge money for it.

It’s terrible.

Duke Nukem 3D

I killed an enemy. Even with auto-aim, that's some feat.

Oh, of course the game is the same old Duke we know and love, but the controls simply don’t work. There are a million options, but none of them are any good. The analogue sticks, well, aren’t. The digital controls are just bizarre. Worst of all, it re-centres your view when you move. After wrestling with the game for ages I finally get myself lined up just right, take a step forward and suddenly I’m facing straight ahead again.


Lord, it’s terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. And yet I keep going back to see if I can get used to it, because a playable Duke would be lovely to have on my phone.

I do hope that one day I’ll come back and say that I’ve been too harsh on this, but I very much doubt it.